People who let others know they self-harm, either by telling them or showing injuries, are often blamed for being « attention-seeking ».

This term has a negative connotation and suggests these people are manipulative and do not have any legitimate reasons to feel bad.

Yet, if someone self-harms, they do so for legitimate reasons. Self-harm should not be judged and there should not be a legitimate and an illegitimate self-harm. Similarly, the severity of an injury should not be a determining factor as to whether someone’s distress is true or not. Any distress, with or without self-harm is real distress.

This stigma leads many people who self-harm into hiding their behavior and feelings to avoid being labeled « attention-seeking ». It prevents people in distress from getting help and feeling better and isolation can be a worsening factor to mental-health.

Feeling the need to talk when we feel bad is normal. Everyone needs to talk, and people who self-harm should not be treated differently.

Whenever the body speaks it is important, and however the body is speaking in self-injury, it seems clear what the message is: I’m in pain, I matter, I deserve recognition.

Steggals, Lawler & Graham (2020)

So instead of being judgmental, let’s remember : someone in pain is “attention-needing”, and let’s give them the attention they need and offer them our help and a listening ear.

Reference

Steggals, P., Lawler, S., & Graham, R. (2020). The social life of self-injury: exploring the communicative dimension of a very personal practice. Sociology of Health and Illness, 42(1), 157–170. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9566.12994